can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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