He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
