hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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