I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
