He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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