The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Success! We fucked roommates!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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