this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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