bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
