I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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