And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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