We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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