We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
