I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
