my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
