I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
