I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
