Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
