epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
