i don't plan on having that self control this summer
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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