im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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