i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
