Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
