i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
