wanna go halves on a baby?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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