so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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