I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
