I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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