Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Randomize
