He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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