you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Randomize
