I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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