so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
