The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
