Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
