you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
