Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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