Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
