So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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