based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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