the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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