Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
