And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
