I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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