i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
