is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
