Duck Duck Cougar?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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