No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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