She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
