Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
