but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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